I met an eccentric hard core Christian, who surprisingly considered dating me. But she just couldn’t get around the fact that I told her honestly; “I don’t believe Jesus is the only way.” She had agreed to go on a date with me after making this statement, but as that fateful day approached; she had a change of heart. The following is a hilarious rendition of our text messages about it. It is quite comical, please enjoy.
Her: I’ve been thinking about this all day & we CANNOT date.
Me: Ok, can we at least be friends?
Her: We can be Friends, I Won’t Sleep With You!!! But we can hang out at the pool but as far as Dating, I just Don’t See That Happening we are Different People & It Just Wouldn’t be Right the Fact that You Don’t Believe Jesus is the Only Way Is Something We Don’t Have In common & for me that Is Something HUGE!! JESUS Should Always be #1 & you don’t see things the same way as I do.
Me: I don’t blame you. When I was hard core like you, I was the same way. But why do you have to assure me you won’t sleep with me? Did I come across like that? Did you act like you would?
Her: Well I am a Hardcore Christian & I Want a Solid Rock Christian Not someone who Is Lukewarm you’re either in All the Way with Jesus or you’re Not. I’m just making it Clear; I’ve been Talked into it Before & I Need to Stand My ground about it!! No Offense, just Want to remain Celibate for The One.
Me: Good luck…
Her: I don’t need Luck, I Know that The Right One that comes Along Won’t Push the Subject or Push me to do Something that is Not Right In Gods Eyes.
Me: I’m sorry I meant to say good night.
(This is where it gets really juicy! I couldn’t let it rest; so I kicked it off the following day with the following)
Note for future reference: she was always referring to “the enemy” or the devil using people; she even mentioned that “the enemy used my mom to cause an issue between us.” The devil didn’t use her in his fiendish plan, only her mother.
Me: Hey queenie, just so we’re clear, contrary to your narcissism; not every guy is trying to sleep with you. And just so you’re aware, if some smooth talking guy schmoozed his way into your pants once, I’m certain it’ll happen again. As for me, if “the enemy” wanted to “use” me to cause you to fornicate; don’t you think, between him as an angel of light & my past experience as a born again Bible thumping Christian, together we could have come up with all the perfect Bible phrases so “the enemy” could weasel his way into your panties again. But no, I told you the basic truth about my beliefs because like you, I am zealous about them.
Also another psychology lesson: I’m not surprised to hear you were tricked into pre-marital sex. Aside from the fact that you’re bubbling over with sexuality & I can virtually smell your pheromones – the basic fact that you have to fight so hard against it is a dead ringer. Your response to my “do you wanna be friendly” question sounded as if I asked to be fuck buddies; however, primarily what gives you away is, like I told you the other day; “whatever front someone puts up, you can be sure the opposite is lurking beneath the facade”; even more so when you work so hard to convince someone of it. So, what is the opposite of a pious, reserved, prude front? Hmmm…
Carl Jung said “What u resists persists!” When you fight something you send it energy & help it grow, when you turn your back on it & say I don’t even acknowledge it, you stop feeding it. The truth is; we’re all born with base survival & procreate drives put in our brains & who did that – not the devil? The problem lies when we act like animals over these instincts because we have something they don’t – a rational brain. This is the part that tells your primitive brain “don’t sleep around” or “I know you’re in survival mode because my job is in jeopardy, but it’s still not right to lie your way through it.”
The sooner people stop blaming the devil & start taking responsibility for their own issues, the sooner they will discover the inner strength of God to overcome their personal issues. But as long as they continue to point the finger at the devil & say he made me do it; they will forever remain a victim of circumstances outside of their control – constantly begging God to give them the strength to overcome “the enemy” out there. God bless you in your endeavors & I hope we can be friends.
(You wouldn’t think she would have the gumption to respond after that but she did and it gets even better.)
Her: I don’t know what u want to hear Plane n Simple U don’t Believe Jesus is the Only Way & as Far as Sex goes I Do Make it Very Clear Whether or Not I Discern That The guy I’m Speaking to Has that urgency or Not!! & as far as The Enemy is Concerned He Will & Has Used People to Do Things They Shouldn’t Do & Yes We Are to Take Responsibility for Our Own actions & Of course The Enemy is Always Pointing Fingers. I’m Not Friends with the Enemy & I Hate Him!! You don’t Believe Jesus is The Only Way & Quite Honestly You’ll Have to Answer to That just like we All will Have to Answer for Our Lives & Accounts held.
Me: I don’t understand why you keep judging & holding that against me. I never said Jesus wasn’t the way for you & countless others; I just believe this excludes a lot of people & I believe they deserve an opportunity just like those of us who were fortuitous enough to be born in a Christian nation & were programmed to be believe a certain thing before we were old enough to question it. It’s just not fair, so if I wanna believe those who are excluded have an alternative option; why should your judgmental God send me to hell for being an optimist?
I believe Christianity is good & all Christians are saved & going to heaven. I also believe it helps millions of people; it helps people be more loving, it helps drunkards put down the bottle, it’s even helping you curve your sexual addiction. But please stop judging me for your own sake. Jesus said with the same measure you judge it will be judged back on you. Besides, I could say that when a Christian sins he is crucifying the lord again & you would say; well Jesus said a righteous man falls 7xs & gets up 7xs, but then I would say Heb 10:26 says “after knowing the truth & sinning again there is no more forgiveness.” So you see; we could contradict each other all day from scripture. Why do you think there are 20000 different Christian factions, all who claim to be the only true church, while all others are destined for hell?
(She still doesn’t quit)
Her: I’m not judging you just stating facts.
Me: Well, let me tell you about another faction who was also just stating facts; they were called the Spanish Inquisition & God granted them the right to torture & murder thousands upon thousands for simply questioning things. People like myself who held beliefs outside of conventional views of the time & who felt the need to question those long standing views which were strangling the people. But seriously, again I never want to dissuade you from your beliefs; I truly believe God has called me to encourage people to be more accepting of others beliefs. & in all sincerity I really like you, if you don’t want to date that’s cool; but I enjoy your personality & these lovely discussions; so I would really like to remain friends.
Her: All I’m saying, is I stand My Ground about my Belief. It Took A Man to Lay His Life Down for me & I am Forever Going to Remember Him, His Name Is Jesus!! & No one can Make Me Change How I feel about that!! & His Sacrifice, No Buddha Or Yoda or Sasquatch can Make me Feel how I feel about My Jesus And I will! And Honestly I just Can’t Wrap my Head around why you or any one would say Jesus isn’t the Only Way.
Me: Think about this: what might your mother’s beliefs entail, had it not been for the Spanish conquest of the 16th century? (Her mother is a direct descendant of the Mayans) What would her religion be if those righteous men hadn’t crossed the ocean, murder 2 million Mexicans, stole their religious artifacts, to be melted into gold coins, burn their religious books, & force the love of Jesus upon them?
Her: Well we live what we learn & if we walk away from what we were taught then that’s something we will have to be accountable for And Again had it Not been for God the Creator of All Things None of Us Would be here & if it weren’t For Jesus I WOULDN’T BE A FORGIVEN SINNER!! AND THIS GOES FOR ANY ONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO SAY THAT JESUS ISN’T THE ONLY WAY! JESUS WALKED ON WATER BUDDHA, YODA & MOHAMMAD ALI HAVEN’T, NOR DID THEY. I’m just letting it be known I won’t let my guard down when it Comes to My Jesus.
(Not once in this babbling did she even remotely come close to answering my question. We are all now dumber for having read this rebuttal.)
Me: Oh I am well aware, you have been more than sufficiently clear with your proclamations. I promise I won’t take your Jesus away from you.
Her: Were u trying to say your jobs in jeopardy? (Wow, how far back was this comment of mine; but more importantly: how did she miss the point?)
Me: No, just an example of an unfortunate event which might provoke a person’s subconscious to enter the “fight or flight mode” causing one to freak & contemplate the idea of lying. Then it’s up to said person’s frontal lobes to rationally say “no, lying is wrong in the eyes of the Lord.” What you might call “the temptation of the devil” & the battle between darkness & light. But I would draw your attention to James 1:14-15 “each one is tempted by his OWN EVIL DESIRE (not Satan)”
Her: Well, yes Sin is In Nature because of Our Imperfections but we are to Look out for the Enemy, Satan, he isn’t a Friend; Therefore the Enemy who is Out to Kill Steal and Destroy. I don’t know why You’re Defending Satan!! You’re either for God Or Against Him! & from the Looks of it; you want to Quote Scripture & Yet Jesus isn’t #1 in Your Life Sounds Like Pharisee to Me! I’m Being Honest & Calling It Out! Called Rebuking in Love; as we should do with each other.
Me: I love you; you make me laugh so much.
Her: We can’t Know what Love is Unless We Know Jesus First! I’m just saying you keep saying that it’s no big deal; but seriously it is a big deal LIVE FOR CHRIST NOT SATAN!
Me: Ok, but seriously I will never forget being called the avenger of Satan. God love you. I think that actually made my entire year. I can’t stop giggling. Your right, we can’t date but I hope I never piss you off enough for you to ever stop rebuking me.
Her: YOU MUST LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART ALL YOUR SOUL AND ALL YOUR STRENGTH. DEUTERONOMY 6:5 You Said You DON’T BELIEVE JESUS is The ONLY WAY!! Did you Not?!
Me: And somehow that implies, I no longer love the lord my God with all my heart, soul & strength & that somehow I have put another god before my God?
Her: Well Yes, I mean Why Else Would You Say Jesus Isn’t the Only Way??? We Can’t Go Thru Buddha to get to God, we Go Thru Jesus We Don’t Go Thru Yoda to Get to God. Therefore Who have you Placed before Christ Jesus Who Died For You?! If He isn’t First in your Life?!
Me: I hate to have to recapitulate; but I said Jesus is the way for Christians, but I believe God makes other arrangements for other belief systems. It doesn’t negate the salvation offered through Jesus, nor am I saying that Buddha replaces that salvation; I just believe that for the millions of souls that were never offered a legitimate knowledge of Christ, God makes a way for them. That is of course, up to God, but it’s just something I believe now. I just refuse to have an exclusive religious mentality any longer. That’s just me & I don’t want, or expect you to agree with me. It’s my personal belief & that’s it, it’s not that I think anyone else replaces Jesus; however, if something they said makes sense, I accept it; just like you might accept something a pastor says even though he never wrote a single sentence in the bible.
Her: As far as religion, that’s All Man Made & Yes I was Once a Catholic; but I came to Understand a True Relationship with Christ & What it Entails its Work. But I’m Not given any more than I can handle & I’m Not Trying to Change your views & if you believe what you believe then That’s Between You & Jesus.
Me: Perfect, thank you for allowing me to have my own relationship with Jesus, that’s all I want. You don’t have to agree, just give me the space to love & worship Jesus in my own unique way. You can say what you will; but obviously there are many ways to worship Jesus. If there was only one way, there would be only one universal (catholic) Christian church; not 20,000 – 38,000 different Christian churches. Thank you so much for accepting & respecting my views.
Her: The Point is: There is One God and One God Only! That’s what I’m saying.
Me: And I completely agree with you; so why are we arguing?
Her: You can’t say One Minute, I Don’t Believe Jesus is the Only Way & then turn Around & be all Like, well I do Believe Buuuuuut….. it doesn’t work that way.
Me: Never mind!
Her: See, Now Who’s Getting upset? I’m Just Trying to Prove a Point apparently You Don’t Get It. (Ah yeah, it’s me who doesn’t get it!)
Me: I’m not upset. Holy shit woman, you accused me of being an attorney for Satan himself & I laughed my ass off! Most insecure, ego oriented, jack asses would’ve been outraged at you. Unfortunately, I was excited because I thought we had come to a mutual agreement to respect each others different views; but now it appears we are back at the beginning again & I must prepare for bed, so I am now a little discouraged.
Her: I’m just stating my Views, Its That Simple You have yours I have mine one day we will find out if how we lived was Pleasing To God the Father And We are to Rebuke in Love & If Satan isn’t An Enemy What is he?! To Me he is an Enemy & Discouragement comes From The Enemy. Pray that the Lord Help You.
Me: I’m willing to bet my soul, we are both children whom are pleasing to our same Father. Ok, I’m going to bed; but since you can’t let it rest, I’ll give you something else to get your panties into a bunch… There is absolutely no possible way I could be the attorney for the devil. It would be as if you were to defend a ‘foogle knocker’. Because you cannot defend something you believe to be fictitious. God love you my dear, I hope that doesn’t keep you up all night; but unfortunately I drive a gas truck & hundreds depend on me to get a good night sleep. Good night my friend.